Karkat Rage Quits
by Adina Mizu
Summary: SO, we've all heard of Roosterteeth right? Well, whenever I hear him I think of Karkat and so I have take a few of his videos and put them into stories AS Karkat. I only have one finished because it takes a lot of time, but there is definitely more to come.


"What the fuck is this?" Karkat asked as John knelt before the television.

"It's a Playstation, an earth game system." John answered as he connected it to the TV.

"What's wrong with game system we already have?" The troll asked furrowing his brow.  
"Nothing, I just thought that since we play games from Alternia all the time that maybe it'd be fun to play some from earth too. I brought some over from my old house and even Alchemized some new ones too." John replied sitting up now that everything was in place.

"Why would I want to play some stupid earth games?"  
"Oh come on, they're not that bad." John turned around to face the troll who now had his arms crossed.

"If I wanted play a game I'd stick with my own."

"That's no fun. Just give them a try?" John held out a controller which the other just frowned at.

The boy dangled the aforementioned controller at the troll while raising his eye brows expectantly. In his other hand he held its twin, clearly whatever he had placed in the system was a multiplayer. John had played pretty much all the games Karkat had suggested anytime they played whither they were multiplayer or not. Often times they games were single player and they simply handed the controller off periodically throughout it. Though Karkat sometimes had trouble ever really giving off the controller when he ws supposed to. But whenever he did pick a multiplayer John never made him play it alone.

He had had to teach the boy how to play all of them from scratch too, from the controls all the way to translations of text and dialogues. John had been at a disadvantage from the get go but he was always eager to try a new one. With a heavy sigh the Cancer held out his hand.

"Fucking fine, but just this one game."

John's face lit up as he gave the troll his controller and turned to turn on the TV.

"Yo, sup Egbert." Dave greeted with a quick nod as the Heir opened the door.

"Hey Dave, come on in." John motioned for the blond to enter.

"I picked the woofbeast not troll hilton you fuck!"

"Dude, what?" Dave asked raiseing a brow towards the doorway the lead into the living room.

John giggled but said nothign as he closed the door behind his friend.

"I have to _iwatch/i_ them _igo/i_? I don't give a fuck." The angry voice drifted in again, "Fucking i_go/i_!"

"Dude John, what is going on in there." Dave asked again.

"I showed Karkat some games I had saved from my old house-" John started.

"Why the fuck am I going_ ilast/i_? I rolled an i_eight_/i, why and I going last? That guy got a i_three_/i! What the fuck."

"-When he saw I had all the highscores he wanted to try and beat one." He finished.

"What, you guys never swap games before or some shit?" Dave asked.

"Not really. We usually stuck to his because he already had everything set up and all. That and my old playstation was trashed. I didn't even think to make a new one until recently." John explained.

"So you've been stuck playing troll games all this time? No wonder you came by all the time. Needed some decent entertainment."

"Actually the Alternian games are pretty good, once you learn the controls...and have a troll to translate some parts." John replied.

"Look at you, look at her i_heels_/i! That's not even practical you dumb bitch! You know how much walking you have to do in this game?!" The trolls voice rose as he went on, "Why would you wear heels WEAR BALLIE FLATS i_YOU MORON_/i!"

"Is he always this vocal?" Dave questioned, slightly amused at the trolls observation of the footwear.

"Oh yea." John laughed, bidding his head, "And once he gets into one it's nearly impossible to gewt his attention with anything else."

"Oh, so that's how this little shindig got to be had." The blond stated aloud.

"Pretty much. He's not going to tell you to leave because he doesn't know you're here, and if he does I'll just tell him he said you could come over." John explained, "He'll blame it on being too distracted by the game."

"And that'll be enough?"

"Yea. If he thinks he already gave me permission then he can't really go back on it. At least he hasn't yet." John grinned at that, "We'll be good."

"Exploiting the relationship loopholes, nice." Dave nodded his approval.

"What the fuck, he got two doubles in a row! Are you shitting me?!" Karkat's voice broke in again, "Fuck you!"

"What is he even playing in there?" Dave asked moving to peer into the room.

"Monopoly." John answered likewise moving to looking into the room.

The troll was seated on the couch, though leaned forward enough that at any moment the could be on his feet and yelling. The screen before him was alight with the colorful images of the aforementioned Monopoly game. Normally a multiplayer the troll was pitted up against three AI the game provided for solo participants. Flicking over the different pieces Dave had to hold in a grin as the Knight of Blood was playing as literally the only female character available. The game seemed to have made a complete rotation as the race car driver was up and his dice were sent spinning.

"Gettin doubles again, go to jail. Go to jail. Ah, Go To Jail You Piece Of Shit! GO THE FUCK TO JAIL! I CALLED IT! IN YOUR FUCKING iFACE/i!" Karkat was, in fact, on his feet as he screamed at the screen, "I hope nobody visits you and I hope you get no conjugals you fucking piece of shit."

Flopping back down the troll starts mashing on the controller again. Dave looked over at John, who was covering his mouth to keep from laughing. Though this moment of silence was short lived.

"Fucking evveryone and their lusus is landing on a community chest! Look at this hoofbeast shit." The troll continued to seeth to no one in particular as his own character came up on screen and waved at him, "Look at this bitch, look at this bitch, What's she doing? What are you doing?"

Dave was temped to say something, but somehow he couldn't resist just watching the highstrung troll fume and rage on his own. It wasn't even just watching the other flip his shit at the game, but because of how absorbed he was in it. Both he and John were standing in the doorway in plain view watching him, all he had to do was look a little to the left and he'd spot them. The Cancer didn't see a thing though, just that game with all its generations of built up infuriation.

"Aaaah, doubles i_again/i_? This fucking guy I swear to gog you i_motherbfucker/b_/i." He seethed as the race car driver once more took his turn. "Shit. 'Banker in your favor, Karkat gets fucked in the mouth'." The angry troll read off in a mocking tone.

Dave was so tempted to speak there but the look on John's face as he shook his head 'no' held his back. Apperently there was even more.

"You know what fucking sucks about this shit?" He asked, though clearly still talking to himself, "I can't even flip the board in a fit of rage, I'll have to throw the fucking T.V. out the window."

At this point Dave didn't know what was funnier. The fact that John had given him one of the most rage enducing games, that fact he was flipping his shit so badly playing it, the fact he was so clearly sucking balls at it, or the fact he was talking to himself as he played. Oh, the ammo John was giving him with this. He was sure the boy's pranksters gambit was climbing to new heights as well right now.

"Fuck- I jus- I- Wha- I don- what the fuck? What The Fuck? What The FUCK? i_WHAT THE FUCK_/i?!" Karkat sputtered in anger as one of the other player danced over the map.

His charater jumped up a moment later with a feminine 'wooOOOoo' that he mimicked roughly to show his annoyance. John was trying to duck out at this point to get a breath but Dace stopped him. Nope, this was now a thing. Who would laugh out load first. By the look of it, John was losing this one.

"Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. I don't know what to say at- I could montage this whole fucking game with these assholes getting doubles!" Karkat started, gaining in volume as he went on again, "What the fuck. You put them on are hard and they just get doubles every time, they land on all the community chests, and the chance, It's not i_chance_/i if you're fucking scripted to land there at every gogdamn time! It's 'Karkat gets fucking shit in his face' while you get all the free shit on the board and I loose all my gogdamn money I got a stupid woofbeast and a lady with the woofbeast, why do I have the lady? I don't want the gogdamn lady I just want the WOOFBEAST! Sweet I got ten dollars" The troll ended calmly.

It was Dave now who was fighting the urge to vocalize his amusement. There was just something about the sudden shift in emotion over a mere ten bucks. John was leaning on the door post and biting his lip. So far they were both able to keep themselves in check.

"What's happening? What the hell is this?" The Cancer's voice sounded from the center of the room, causing both to look up, "I'm not trading i_shit_/i with you. Get the fuck out of here. Go fuck yourself, negotiations are ended. And they i_have/i_ ended, and they i_will_/i be ended. Fuck off."

The two looked at each other for a moment with semi-relief as he hadn't, in fact, seen them yet. The negotiations box on the screen flittered away as the next character took his turn.

"I hate this game." The troll was muttering now, "Hate this fucking guy right here, I hate you so much you fucking piece of shit, I hope you fucking sink I swear to gog I hope you crash into a fucking ice burge you son of a bitch."

These dark mutterings nearly pushed John right over into audible laughter, but at the last minute he stuck his fist in his mouth and bit down. There was just a slight keening noise as he held back the hysterics that were welled up in his throat. Luckily the sound went unnoticed by the troll. Dave had also resorted to covering his mouth to keep from being heard.

"He just say 'butts'? did you just say 'butts'?" The Cancer asked the screen suddenly.

The question hit both boys suddenly and both had to do some quick chuckle-checks. John was bent over and sliding down the wall, a semi audible snort had almost escaped him. Dave on the other hand was now resorted to leaning againt the doorpost on his side of the doorway, biting his own lip behind his hand.

"Why can't I skip all this shiiiiiiiit?!" Karkat complained loadly, "I have to wait 'til their turn to sk-egah- I skip your whole turn. I shouldn't have to look at you. I shouldn't have to look at you all. I don't give a fuck what you're doing, I don't care. If you land on my fucking property just pay me my gogdamn money and move along. I don't give a fuck, I don't want to watch you roll the dice, I don't want to watch you move across the board, I don't want to watch you go 'huoauah' and drive in your fucking car, I don't give a shit what you're doing, I don't care what you're rolling, I don't care what your buying, I don't fucking care, Just Let Me Go! LET ME GO! THIS GAME'S SO GOGDAMN SLOW, IT TAKES TOO FUCKING LONG! OoooOOOH, i_GET FUCKED ON BOARDWALK FOUR-EYES_/i!"

By this time both boys had to abscond from the room. That last comment just tiped them both over the edge. John was laughing hysterically into his hands trying to keep himself from being too loud, which resulted in some interesting snorts and chorkling that made Dave laugh even harder. The Strider, although not on the floor nor nearly as tweaked as the Heir was, was not nearly as stoic as he had wanted to be. bent over at the counter with his hands still in place he was able to keep his laughter somewhat contained, thought he sounds John was making weren't helping.

It took some time for them to recover adn when they felt composed enough to re-enter the room it appeared that the next round of the game was a bout to begin. Karkat looked reletively normal at the moment considering the yelling they had heard from the kitchen.

"I got this shit Now. Lets get some houses goin' here." He said aloud to himself, "You guys are so fucked. Wait, put a house on it. Do it, wait, what the Fuck? How do you add a house? Oh, I hit the back button."

This calm chattering to himself was short lived as as soon as the new round started things started to heat up again. It was clear as soon as the board was shown with all it's new additions that with was not going to be easy...or possible.

"I'm fucked. I'm FUCKED." Karkat commentated on his own inevitble defeat, "Look at this shit. Houses on every fucking, like, property. Hotels, Mc'Mansions, Doubles, Chances, Community chest. It's like fucking Perigees morning, everything is being handed out for free. It's like extreme hive makeover here, Troll Tye Penants running around with a mega-phone. 'Waaaake uuup ashole family, you just got i_free shit_/i."

And with that simple rant John was already back down on his knees trying not to burst out laughing. Dave, more composed, was so taking notes on this. Oh yea, this was definately ammo he was going to use later. bring back with such a vengeange. Blast this shit back at the troll like an AK-47, which he knew from experience was was serious shit. He was never going to live this down. Nope.

"I am fucking i_screwed_/i, there are houses and hotels all right in front of me- I didn't even hit 'A'! NO!" The troll was practically on his feet, but not quite, "That just stopped it i_for_/i me! I was busy explaining how I was going to get i_fucked in the ass_/i and the game just went i_for_/i me! Wow, five hundred and fifty dollars. Great, fucking i_great_/i, looks like Cassie's not eatin' tonight."

John was weexing on the floor trying not to either be too loud or move so much as to gain Karkat's attention. This wasn't the first time the troll had gotten this worked up with a game, not in the least. It was, however, one of the only times where John had been a 'hidden observer'. The Cancer was better at keeping most things to himself when he knew others were listening. This right here? Unfiltered Karkat rage at a video game.

"Nine fucking dollars. Nine fucking dollars, I gotta give away one of my gogdamn yellows. FUCK!" As soon as the troll clicked for the next screen it had all of the characters lined up, "Oooah, Get Fucking Shit On Andre! Get out you little i_bitch_/i. Get The FUCK OUT. Wait, what the i_fuck_/i?"

The screen showed one of the confetti and let out cheers of joy, though Karkat looked shocked and confused.

"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! How'd this little shit win?!" Karkat asked pointing at the screen, there the tiny little top hat character was claiming the prize, "The game didn't even- what i_what?_/i"

At this point Dave was about to actually crack. Karkat had just hit an octave that no male should be able to reach. This was just plain embarrassing, yet like a train reck it was impossible to look away.

"What the fuck just happened? How did this shit win? How did he win? Ho- I wasn't bankrupt. I WASN"T BANKRUPT!" At this point the troll was on his feet and moving out of the room.

He, luckily, turn towards the front door and raged right into the room on the other side of the stairs, yelling all the while.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" His fury echoed from the far corners of the hive, "THE GAME WASN'T EVEN OVER!" As if hitting that realization the troll stalked back into the room; still unaware of his audiance, "This game wasn't over. This game wasn't over. This is bullshit. This is bullshit. How did I get third place?! I still had money! YOU CAN'T JUST DECIDE THAT! THIS ISN'T A BOXING MATCH! YOU CAN'T JUST END THE FUCKING FIGHT WHENEVER YOU WANT TO! i_GOG-DAMNIT_/i!"

It was now that the controller went flying across the room into a stack of something or other in a corner. The Cancer made as if to make good on his threat to toss out the whole T.V. when something caught his attention. There, in the doorway that lead to his kitchen was John on his knees and in tears, currently drowning in a fit of laughter. But also there was Dave, chuckling and smirking like a fiend.

Oh fuck.


End file.
